You Are My Sunshine

It has been 2 months and 20 days since we found out another of our sweet babies had skipped this world and was born into Heaven. It has been 2 months and 17 days since I labored and delivered our baby’s earthly body at home. Someday I will write this story in more detail, I will share our experience. For now, I realized part of it we had yet to share publicly. In the days following our second miscarriage, there were many questions asked, tests ordered, results received. To be honest, it is all still going. The tests are still being ordered, but most of the questions have yet to be answered. The only thing we’ve learned is something that I most wanted to know. We had another son.

The sweet baby we prayed for, that I carried for 16 weeks, that we will love always; was a precious baby boy. I am thankful to have a pronoun. It helps my heart just a little bit to be able to refer to my son, and say “he” instead of “baby”. To officially be able to call him by name.

His name was one that actually came to me about a week after his birth. Before we even knew boy or girl, God gave us his name.  

Our youngest daughter Emi was so excited for this baby. She was fascinated by the baby’s development and always wanted to know what part of the baby God was working on each week. Every night she sang a song for the baby; You Are My Sunshine.

She would have been such a loving and amazing big sister. She wanted this baby so badly and already loved him so much. On our way to the hospital that night, I pleaded with God. I begged him not to make us go through this again. All I could think of was my sweet little girl. It broke my heart to think of having to tell her that another of her little siblings had died before we got to meet them.  

The first night after we told the girls what happened. Emi still wanted to sing her song to the baby. She sang to her baby in Heaven (and said it was for Silas too). 2 months and 20 days later she still sings this same song to her brothers in Heaven each night.

Sunshine became a theme for us, both during the pregnancy as well as after it had ended. Feeling the warmth of the sun, seeing the brightness of a sunflower, hearing the song; all of it served as a reminder of a baby we loved very much. When thinking of names, I knew it needed to be related to the sun somehow. I wondered what the Bible had to say about the sun, so I did a quick search for Bible verses referencing the sun. The Lord led me to Isaiah 60:20 which says “Your sun will never set again, and your moon will wane no more; the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end.” Oh how perfect those words were, how they were impressed upon my heart!  I knew in that moment that our baby’s name was to be Isaiah.

In case I needed further confirmation of this fact, later that same day this same verse was sent to me by a dear friend who had been walking alongside me through this whole experience. She saved it to send to me, and then noticed that I had already highlighted it on the Bible app and had shared it. She was amazed that God led us to the same verse that day.

The passage in Isaiah 60 is referencing the Glory of Zion; God’s covenant with His people. It’s a message of promise, of hope, joy, and peace.

A little bit later in the day, I went to pick up the girls from Vacation Bible School. They were so excited to tell me about their day and about that day’s theme animal character. A lion. Named ZION. The theme for the day was “When Life is sad; God is good.” Oh if I didn’t burst in to tears right then and there! How awesome is our God! I felt an overwhelming outpouring of His presence, of His love for me, His peace that passes understanding, and His goodness in all things.  

This divine experience led me to our baby’s middle name. Truth. This serves as a reminder to us to cling to God’s truths and not to believe in the lies the enemy tries to feed our hearts and minds. We choose to hold to God’s truths; that He loves us (John 3:16)

He is our peace (Micah 5:5)

Hope can only be found in Him (Isaiah 40:31)

The joy of the Lord is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10)

He walks beside us (Deuteronomy 31:6)

He has already gone before us (Deuteronomy 31:8)

He holds our future in His hands (Jeremiah 29:11)

In ALL things, He works for the GOOD of those who love him (Romans 8:28)

Our baby boys are so very loved, deeply missed, and always remembered.

Our fourth child, our second angel baby, Isaiah Truth Jakymiw was born in Heaven June 2019.

While we are not certain of when exactly he died (we found out late at night on June 6^th but when I delivered his body earthside on June 9^th it was apparent that he had been gone longer than we thought) we have chosen June 7^th as his Heaven birthday. June 7^th is the day we told our girls and we grieved as a family. June 7^th we stayed home together. June 7^th, 2019 was National Donut Day, so we made donuts together (extra sprinkles of course). We decided that every year on Isaiah’s Heaven birthday we would celebrate and remember him by having a donut together as a family.

Isaiah’s due date was November 17^th, 2019 and every day as I get closer to this day my heart aches. But I feel the warm sunshine, I see bright beautiful sunflowers everywhere, and I know that he is ok. If he is ok, then I know that I will be ok. Someday I will meet him in Heaven. Someday I will see the faces of my sweet boys Silas and Isaiah. What a day of rejoicing that will be! I will hold tight to God’s truth and allow Him to use my story to tell of His great love, hope, and promises to each of us.

The sun comes up

It’s a new day dawning.

It’s time to sing your song again.

Whatever may pass

and whatever lies before me,

Let me be singing when the evening comes.  

Bless the Lord

Oh my soul

.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .

Remembering Isaiah

Pregnancy Announcement. He will always be our #4.

I will always cherish the 16 weeks I got to carry him.

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