Sing Like Never Before

Last night our church had a worship night. We call them "Sweet Singing Sessions" and they are just a night of casual worship with our church family. Last night the theme of our worship was Sunshine in my Soul. I was asked to share a personal testimony. If you've read my blog before, you've probably seen my story about our son Isaiah who was born in Heaven last summer. This is my testimony from the day my son was given his name, and how God has blessed me through it all. I was honored to be able to share part of my story. I look back on my journey over the past two years and I am in awe of every moment I can now see was God. God showing up, God caring for me, God providing for me. He is amazing and I will worship His Holy name forever and ever.

Right before I began speaking, when it was said that I would be sharing my testimony, my sweet six year old Emi reached her hand to my arm. I'm amazed that I didn't start crying at that moment. By the strength of the Lord I was able to read the words I wrote in that someone in that room needed to hear the message I was sharing. It felt good to write again and I realized how long it had been since I've sat down to put my thoughts out into words. God is calling me back to it.

I will start by sharing the personal testimony I wrote out and shared last night.

- - - - - - - - -

Feeling the sunshine brings us joy. We love to soak up the sun. Even on cold days we say things like “at least the sun is out”. When we lack time in the sun, we get physically depressed. Sunshine makes us feel better, it makes us warm, it makes us happy when skies are gray. 

The sunshine makes me think of a baby I never got to meet. Last June, my fourth child, my second son, skipped this Earth and was born in Heaven when I was 16 weeks pregnant. Every night of that pregnancy, our daughter Emi sang to her brother, you are my sunshine. She still sings to him. 

A week after my miscarriage, missing my baby and trying to navigate life again with a broken heart, I had a moment in the car by myself. I was driving on a country road in the middle of nowhere. It was quiet and I spent that time  just trying to hear God. I gazed out the window and felt the brightness of it all shine directly on me. I had to pull over to the side of the road and take it in. I’d been living in gray, but here was this beautiful bright blue sky! It was a perfect day and the sun was magnificent. It was warm and it was shining right on me.  It felt like it was for me.

My sunshine. 

I wanted to know what the Bible says about the sun. My search led me to Isaiah 60:20 which says “Your sun will never set again, and your moon will wane no more; the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end.” Oh how perfect those words were, how they were impressed upon my heart! The passage in Isaiah 60 is referencing the Glory of Zion; God’s covenant with His people. It’s a message of promise, of hope, joy, and peace. It reminded me that my precious boy was safe in the arms of Jesus, and I have the hope and promise of getting to one day meet him in Heaven. Where there would be no more try pain, sorrow, or sadness.

On the side of the road that day, I felt my broken heart being held by my creator, as he reminded me that He is always with me, and that joy will always come in the morning, in the light, His light. The joy of the Lord will be my strength. That day our son was given a name, Isaiah Truth. 

The sun reminds me of God’s presence and provision in my life. The one who created the sun and gave us it’s light, pours His light out onto us. Jesus said He IS the light. We are called to BE the light, and let Him shine through us. 

I feel closest to God when I sing, when I worship Him, praise Him and soak up His presence. I have a whole playlist of songs that have pulled me up out of the valley and reminded me that in all things God is good. I will sing even when it hurts, I will praise Him even when I don’t understand, I will worship Him each day I am given, when the sun comes up it’s time to sing His song. Whatever will pass, whatever lies before me,  I will sing to the God who loves me, and has given everything so that we can live and have hope and joy beyond this world. I will sing like never before. Oh my soul, I will worship His holy name.

- - - - - - - - -